THE TRUE NATURE OFREPUBLICANS

THE TEA PARTY-DEATH UNMASKED BY MATTHEW LUCAS BECKETT. “I won't let People Like THAT have Health Insurance, even if I have to completely shut down the government to make it not happen,” whined Representative Joseph Street, stamping his feet on the floor and starting to cry. “I don't care if we've only got control of The House of Representatives, it's the Highway for Health Care Reform or for the Entire Federal Government.” The Speaker of The House sighed and tried yet again to explain. “If we shut down The Federal Government over this, it will hurt The Republican Party overall, because The American People will blame us. Besides, we'll never get it through The Senate and even then there aren't enough votes to override a veto.” “I DO'T CARE,” cried Mike Backhand, stamping feet and fists on the ground and whaling so loudly anyone nearby might hear. “If you want to stay Speaker, you'll bring our bill and no other to the floor.” That stopped Jacob Banner in his tracks. He'd waited his whole life to be Speaker of The House, and he didn't want to lose it so soon. “Very well,” he finally said. “We'll have a go at it.” The gavel came down. “The Bill to keep The Government open but repeal The. . .” he took a deep breath, hating the completely wrongheaded, bleeding heart liberal language, but it was the name of the bill, after all. “Justice In Health Care Bill is adopted. We will stand firm. We will not negotiate. We will never surrender. Send the bill to The Senate.” Of course, as predicted, The Senate refused to even consider a bill with this rider attached. Even many Republican Senators said that this was the wrong way to go about this. “Tell The Senate, it's either The Highway for Health Care Reform or for the whole Government,” screamed Representative Street, stamping his feet and crying again Of course, it at first was The Highway for The Government. Everything shut down. All airports were closed, roadwork went undone, even in mid project, Welfare and Social Security Checks were not sent out. Even the military shut down. This last, in light of a new wave of attacks overseas, is what a month into the shutdown compelled The Senate to adopt The House Bill and enabled both Chambers to Override The President's Veto. “I'm sorry, Sir,” the doctor suddenly said, in the middle of administering my kemo treatment. “Your Health Insurance has just revoked your coverage because of your childhood Brain Injury. Your treatment must end.” “But?” I stammered, stunned. “But what about Justice In Health Care? According to the new law, they can't. . .the preexisting conclusion is banned. . .” I start to stammer some more, but the doctor holds up a hand. “In light of the recent attacks overseas, The Senate adopted The House Bill in order to restart The Military, and an hour ago both Chambers Overrode The President's Veto. So people like you are no longer exempt from the laws of nature. Now I can go back to just treating my deserving patients. You might as well go home and hang yourself. You're going to die just the same or worse now anyway.” I do go home, to my now rejoicing Conservative Family. On the way, I contemplate running my car off the road and ending it, thus essentially following my Extremely Conservative Doctor's Advice, but then I decide against it. “No,,” I say aloud to the otherwise empty car. “My Conservative Family chose this. Let them see the consequences.” When I get home, my Brother-In-Law greets me. “Matt, I'm surprised you didn't kill yourself on the way home, in light of today's events.” “On your account,” I reply coolly. “I thought about it. But then I decided why deprive you and everyone else of the great show that is now coming up.” “Show?” says my sister excitedly, for even at thirty-eight she still gets excited about anything new on TV. “Yes,” I say. “Watching me die slowly and horribly from a cancer that could have been treated under the law that banned excluding those of us with preexisting conditions from The Health Insurance Market but now can not because it is undone,” I say with a fake smile that no one returns. Over the next few weeks, many of my friends with no way to now get their ailments treated do kill themselves, but I wait patiently for death to come to me, even as the cancer begins to eat me alive. “Uncle Matt,” my Nephew Will pleads one day. “If you won't kill yourself, at least stay in your room or cover yourself. I can't stand to look at your lesions..” “You can't stand to look at them?” I raise a quizzical eyebrow. “And how do you think I feel, possessing them? But you and your parents chose this last November at the ballet box, so you must see the results.” Three months after my treatment ended, however, I find that I can no longer get myself out of bed. My body is now covered in lesions, and on TV. Republicans are still singing their victory. “Since undoing The Health Care Law, Insurance Companies are making money again,” said The Speaker of The House on TV. the first day I could not even make it to the bedside pan for the bathroom. “Which is, after all, what companies are supposed to do.” There was a time when that would have at least prompted a shout from me, but now the most I can manage is to wet my pants. Every inch of my body is in pain, every hour of every day. I can't eat any more, so there's only one bathroom product that needs cleaning up now. My family stays out of my room as much as they can, but must pass it every time they enter or leave the house. Suddenly, as I hear them entering the house after I know not what, days and hours are all one blur of agony now, I feel immeasurable pain everywhere in my body. I somehow manage to give a cry and right as they all three rush in, I see the horses beneath them, and then I see The Fourth Horseman, Death, unmask himself on TV., ride straight at me, and then my sun and moon and starts forever shatter.