THE EXTENT REPUBLICANS WOULD REALLY GO TO IF THEY COULD

BIT ROMNEY BY MATTHEW LUCAS BECKETT In the middle of September, all the big wigs in The Republican Party met in The Innermost Circle of Hell for a strategy session on a last ditch effort to stop Justice In Health Care from becoming a full reality. “What can we do?” cried Ed Gregbot, Attorney General of Texas, rolling on the hot coals and pounding his fists like the infant he was. “The Supreme Court ruled against the majority of our suit, and then we lost the election. Justice.gov will be up and running in two weeks, and there's nothing we can do about it. Wan, wan, wan.” “Calm down and stop acting like a baby,” snarled Mit Romney, his Pit Bull like face looking ready to bite. “No wonder our party keeps losing Nationwide Elections. Yes, we lost in court and at the ballot box, but there is still a way to keep subhumans with preexisting conditions from getting Health Insurance and so the industry prosperous, and if we pull it off they will remain in our back pockets forever.” “But you said last year you'd keep that part,” said Don Boner, Speaker of The House. “Traitor.” “Ah,” said Mit Romney. “That was what you would call a lie. More specifically, a ploy to dupe the uninsured into voting for me and win and then throw them back among the dogs they are, where they belong.” “So what is this 'other way'?” asked Ed Gregbot. “You hit the nail on the head, Ed,” said Mit Romney. “The website is to be up and running next month. The website is the key to this awful plan. The website is everything. If the website fails, the whole thing falls apart and goes away.” “So?” said Don Boner slowly. “So we make sure it does fail,” said Pit Bull Romney with a snarl on his face and rabid fire in his eyes. “But how?' asked Ed pointedly. “Even if we create a virus and get it on the website, we can not be sure that it will do what we want. Computer programs do unintended things all the time. So how can we be sure that this will work as we want it to.” “Because,” said Pit Bull Romney, pulling out some kind of strange electronic device. “A human virus will do what we want it to. Farewell, my friends. From now on I shall be known as Bit Romney.” Then he pressed a button on the device and both he and it vanished. A moment later a message appeared on the screen of Don Boner's computer. “I am inside the system. I am on my way to Justice.gov to disrupt, destroy and sabotage. When I am caught, I shall probably be deleted, so this is farewell,. But hopefully I'll ruin the Health Care chances of those that should not have it first. I'll see you all in Hell. Oh, that's right, we're already there.” Sanandra was excited. She'd had no Health Insurance at all in ten years. “All because of a mistake I made when I was a little girl, running out in the street, getting hit and getting a traumatic brain injury,” she had told anyone who would listen a thousand times since Justice In Health Care was enacted two years ago. “And now no Republican can stop me.” At midnight on October First, 2013, she sat at her computer and logged-on to Justice.gov. After a fair amount of reading and consideration, she settled on a plan that seemed to suit her needs and selected it. Right as she clicked on purchase, however, her computer buzzed and a pop-up window came up. “You have tried to perform an illegal function. Connection canceled.” Then not only did that website close, so did her home page and then her computer shut down and would not turn back on. “That's a virus,” she muttered. “I know enough about computers to know that's not just an overload response. I didn't think The Republicans would stoop that low, but I guess they did.” Bit Romney watched in satisfaction as computer after computer crashed on the Justice.gov website at his touch. Time flowed differently in this form, so he was not sure how long it took, but eventually he began to see messages that the website had crashed altogether. Then he moved into ensuring the efforts to repair it failed. Finally, with joy and relief, he saw the word get out on the internet that the whole Justice In Health Care Law was a massive failure and the old Money over People System was coming back. “As it should,” he said. Then he felt the line where he was dwelling being shut down and knew, with relief, that he was going back to Hell, to stay this time.