We're almost there

‘THE VOICES NO ONE HEARS, PART SEVEN: GUIDE US ON OUR WAY’ By Matt (THE STORM) Lucas Beckett As Dad, Orion and I pulled into the driveway the day before graduation, I got an even bigger surprise. Dad and Orion and I came home from school to find a young teenager waiting, I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to rush to judgement about their gender, especially given my own history. “Hello,” I said, getting out of the car and seeing them staring at me. “Can I help you?” “I’m Ulises,” he said. “My parents threw me out when I insisted on beginning gender reassignment counciling, and then something just guided me here.” “How far have you come from, son?” asked Dad. “Utah,” replied the boy. We all gasped. “That’s several states away from Texas,” we all three said as one. The young boy nodded. “Yes, but I had some affirming, um, friends who helped me make the trip, so it wasn’t as dangerous as it sounds when you put it that way.” “Well,” said Dad. “In any case, I’m sure you’re hungry. Come on in and share some milk and cookies with my sons and I . . .” “I don’t want to impose,” said Ulises. “I can go. . .” “Nonsense,” said Dad kindly but firmly. “I’m not letting a friend of my youngest son’s leave our house unfed after journeying halfway across the country.” Ulises smiled broadly then. Oh, what a smile, I thought. Then shook myself mentally. He’s too young for you, I thought firmly. And he’s here for the movement, all that you’re doing too, Casey. “Are you all right, Casey Isai. . .?” Ulises began. I held up a hand. “If we’re going to be face to face from now on, it’s just Casey. In fact, to my peer friends, it’s just Case.” “I’ll start with Casey,” smiled Ulises. “That’s as informal as I can get with one of my heroes, in fact my biggest hero.” I felt my face redden and my legs starting to give way at that and was glad when Dad opened the door and we all went inside and sat down at the kitchen table for our usual after school snack. * * * “So?” asked Dad, once we all had glasses of milk and small plates in front of us and a large plate full of all kinds of cookies in the center of the table. I suddenly realized, with a jolt of sadness, that this was the last time that we would be doing this, since Orion and I were graduating tomorrow. “Tell us about your trip, Ulises?” “Well,” he said. I had to keep reminding myself to think ‘he’, because he had not even begun to physically transitioning. Like you, at the point he’s at right now, I gave myself a mental stab. “As I said, I decided to just tell my parents I was determined to start the process, and they said that I would then have to do it some where else, and then my dad literally threw me out of the house, and my mom slammed the door and then I heard a click. I still had my phone with me, so I called a friend and managed to spend a few nights at her place, but then I just felt this tug, OK guidance from above, to come find you, Casey, and MR. and MRS. Samuel and MR. Samuel the younger. . .”
 “I’m just Orion,” my big brother cut in. The young boy nodded. “And Orion, and so with the help of several friends, I got a plain ticket, got here and then took a cab to exactly here. I can see there are no more bed rooms, so I’ll. . .” “Sleep on the sofa bed, at least a few nights,” said Dad. “I insist.” “Yes, MR. Samuel,” said Ulises, paling and I noticed his palms sweating. “No need to be nervous, Kid,” I gave my broadest, friendliest smile. “We’re all your friends here.” Ulises nodded and his breathing slowed a bit, but not quite to a normal rate “So, what’s happening around here?” he asked. “Well,” said Orion. “My Kid Brother and I are graduating from high school tomorrow.” He looked at our dad. “I told you that extra ticket would come in handy. . .” Ulises waved his hands in protest. “Oh no, I don’t want to encroach. . .” “We’v already paid for your ticket,” smiled Dad. “I insist.” Ulises nodded, still looking nervous. Then we finished our snack and then Orion and gave Ulises the “grand tour”. * * * “Welcome, Ulises, nice to finally meet you face to face,” said Mom when she got home from work that evening. “He. . .hello, Mrs . . .MRS. Samuel. . .” Ulises said in a very hesitant manner. “I don’t bite, I assure you,” she said. “I’m sorry,” said Ulises, sweating head to foot, at least, as much as I could see of it. “It’s just that, while it was my father who literally threw me out when I said that I wanted to start seeing a ‘Transition Counciler’, all of the women in my family are the most vocal about people like me, or People of Color, or with Health Issues, or who are in any other way ‘different’.” Mom nodded. “I understand. But I assure you, no one who thinks like that lives here. Or would even be welcome in this house.” I nodded, remembering that at one time Sheila’s parents had come here with the two of us many times, but since I came they had not set foot in the place. “Who’s ready for dinner,” called Orion in an irritated tone from the kitchen. “I haven’t worked on this meatloaf ALL afternoon just to let it get cold while you four stand in the living room chatting.” We all laughed and then headed for the kitchen. * * * “Casey Isaiah Samuel,” MRS. Mount, the principal, read my name as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. “Orion George Samuel,” my big brother followed me. I knew that he was a little put out at coming after me, since he was eight months older, but his first name was alphabetically later than mine, and since we had the same last name. . . The loudest cheering of all as I accepted my diploma, and he his, came not from our parents but from MR. Hardwall and his reformed followers, I suspected as further penance for their past. MR. and MRS. Cushner, I couldn’t help noticing, sat on their hands pointedly, and wore deep scowls. I gave them a smile and wave, mostly, I’ll admit, hoping to get under their skin, but if I succeeded, they gave no outward sign. Orion gave me a puzzled look and I shrugged and mouthed, “It was worth a try.” He nodded, and then we each returned to our seats as the principal moved into the S es.. * * * When Greg Zygon had accepted his diploma, last of all, they did the usual post walking across the stage stuff, which none of us who had just walked across the stage really cared about, but I guess the parents did, flipped our tassels, and then we all filed out of the auditorium for, what, at least for most of us, would be the last time, changed into our Sunday best and then headed for TorchThe Turkey for the usual post graduation family dinner party. “I don’t want to intrude on a family event,” Ulises had protested after the ceremony when we were back in the car. “Just drop me off at the house and. . .” “Nonsense,” said both of our parents. “You’re part of this family too now. You became part of it when you showed up in our yard. We’ve only been before when one of our sons’ friends graduated ourselves anyway.” Orion and I told him with a look to drop it, because when Dad or Mom called something ‘nonsense’, the discussion was closed. * * * The restaurant was packed, as it always was after graduation, not only with graduates and our families, but younger friends and their families who had come to bid many of us bon voyage, although of course the earliest I would be leaving town was January, because even if I was actualLy through transitioning before the end of Fall Semester, which was far from certain I couldn’t start classes mid-semester. “Where are you going to school, Casey?”asked my defacto little brother. “I’m eventually going to be going to UCLA,” I told him. “But I’m waiting until I’m finished transitioning to actually leave, because going back and forth or starting with a new medical team just seemed to complicate. . .” “Corrupting the next generation,Kaci,” said MR. ad MRS. Cushner, appearing right beside us. “Trying to sway this nice little girl with boys’ haircuts and. . .” “Ulises is as much a Bioy as I am,” I said angrily. “And I don’t recall asking for your opinions MR. and MRS. Cushner.” “Another degenerate eh. . .” they started. I took one look at my little brother’s face. Then my big brother and I exchanged a look, nodded, and stood, as one, muscles tensing, hands starting to ball. “That’s enough out of you,” I said. “Yes,” said Orion. “You are entitled to your opinion, STUPID and incorrect as it is, but when you start being nasty to our Kid Brother. . .” He left the rest unsaid, but Sheila’s parents got the point, closed their mouths, nodded curtly, and walked away. But as they did, I could tell from the look on Dad’s face that we were going to have a Casey Isaiah Samuel and Orion George Samuel talk about this tomorrow. But the rest of that evening, at least, passed jovially and without further incident. * * * “Now boys, I’m sorry, young men,” Dad began when he sat both of us down the next day after breakfast. “Boys is fine,” we both said as one. I, at least, was not ready to start thinking of myself as a young man yet, and I was pretty sure neither was my big brother. “We’ll take boys,” we concluded as one. “Boys , then,” he began again. “Actually,” he suddenly took a much sterner tone and expression. “Orion George Samuel and Casey Isaiah Samuel.” We both sat up very straight as he went on. “I know that remarks like the ones MR. and MRS. Cushner. . .” even our dad was referring to them that way “make you mad, they make me mad too. But threats aren’t going to win over hearts and minds.” “No,” we both agreed, when he had paused long enough that we were sure it was our turn to speak. “They won’t. We both know that.” “Then what was the point of what happened yesterday?” he asked. “Protecting our Kid Brother,” I said. Dad looked genuinely puzzled. “With the look on Ulises’s face when they were being so nasty, that couldn’t go unanswered. Or, well, maybe. . .” I let the rest hang. Orion nodded when Dad looked at him. “The despair in his face was dangerous, Dad. We had to do something.” Dad was silent a long time, then finally nodded, stood, and we boys did the same. “We’ll, Boys, I’m going to say something which may never have escaped my lips before, and don’t get used to it, it may never escape them again. But in the case, you were right, I was wrong.” I didn’t quite know how to process that, and I could tell neither did my big brother. We stood in awkward silence for a moment, until Dad said with a laugh, “Dismissed Boys.” Then we headed back to Orion’s room to talk. * * * “I hope he NEVER calls us ‘young men;’ again,” said my big brother as soon as we were sure that no one would overhear. “Yes,” I nodded. “I’ll take ‘boys’ any day. ‘Boys’ have a lot more fun than ‘young men’.” Orion nodded. “Soo?” he said. “What now? We’re done with high school, but. . .?” I nodded. “The future. . .” The truth was, apart from my revolution, and of course completing my transition, I hadn’t really thought much about post high school. “Well,” I finally said. “You’re going to NYU in the fall, and I’m starting at UCLA next spring, assuming that I’m through transitioning by then.” He nodded. “I guess this summer, while we’re all still in one place, we should do all we can for the central part of the movement, not that it isn’t world wide by now.” I nodded. The Roman Catholic Church had decided that its former stance on LGBTQIA+ people was not in keeping with Scripture, and even the LDS Church seemed headed in that direction. Only a few far right wing radical churches were holding out. Racism, Abilityism, Sexism, Healthiest, Classism, Agism, and Xenophobia had been almost universally rejected. “I’m sorry about your par. . .” my big brother began. But I held up a hand. “OUR dad and mom are my parents. Legally and in my heart. That won’t change even if MR. and MRS. Cushner do at some point see the light.” He nodded, and then we settled in for a full day of video games, comic books, overeating and just general relaxation and fun. * * * Of course, the entire summer was not going to consist of nothing but comic books and video games. There were at least two other things that occupied much of my time. * * * “Our voices are being heard,” I said at a rally, bringing a very reluctant Ulises up on the stage with me. “Racism, Healthism, Gun Nuttery, Abilityism, Classism, Agism and Sexism are things ion the past now. But we need to keep pushing. May whatever Higher Power each of us believes in guide us on our way to getting the people who still tell those like little Ulises here that they are unworthy of love because of who they are, we, I should say, can not help being and did not CHOOSE to be the error of their thinking.” The cheers that went up were almost deafening. Then everyone started chanting “Speech, speech, speech.” I looked at my very young friend and he gave a VERY reluctant nod and stepped up to the mic. “Thank you for your love and support,” was all that he could manage, but everyone seemed to understand. Then we split into smaller groups to make plans for our next big actin. * * * And, of course. . . “What SIZE penis and testicles do I want?” I half screamed, half gasped. “I didn’t know there were . . .” “Perhaps you should step out for a moment, Dear” said Dad, looking at Mom. But she shook her head. “I’ve seen yours many times, and Orion’s enough that he should not be uncomfortable.” Both nodded, then stood, then unbuttoned and unzipped their pants and dropped them and their undershirts. Dad’s penis was REALLY long, almost half way down his thighs. His testicles were much shorter, only about half the length of his penis. Orion’s testicles hung almost as far on his legs as Dad’s penis did on Dad, but his penis was much shorter. “I’d recommend against this,” my big brother pointed to his testicles. “I have to hold them out of the way EVERY time that I sit down on the toilet, and be very careful to not ‘sit down wrong’.” “When I have to sit,” said Dad, pointing at his penis. “This Isn’t great either.” I considered. “I guess a penis about the size of Orion’s and testicles the size of Dad’s,” I finally said. “Wish we could changes ours,” muttered my big brother under his breath, and Dad nodded. “All right then,” said the surgeon. “I’ll put in the order. It could take several weeks yet.” “Where does it come from?” I asked, suddenly astounded that I hadn’t thought of that before. “Is it all artificial or. . .? The doctor nodded. “A common question. We’ll remove a bit of flesh from your forearm to construct your penis. Your testicles and erection will be prosthetic.” “I thought the erection and the penis were, well. . .” I trailed off, uncertain how to finish. He nodded. “In a person born in a male body, they basically are. But for a transgender boy, they are not.” “Will it still be, um, functional?” I finally asked. He nodded slowly. “Eventually yes, but not immediately. Generally, there is a year or so between implanting the penis and implanting the rest, but with your body type, okay, your body specifically, it needs to all be done at once, except the full functionality. Typically, it would be fully functional when implanted, but only after a body has had time to adapt to the penis.” “How long will all of this being done together leave me under?” I finally asked. He hesitated. “Most of the, I’m afraid,” he said. Before I could ask my next question, he held up a hand and answered it. “Yes, being under that long is not without risk, but fr your body, ding the operations at separate times would be even riskier. There will be a team monitoring you the entire time, and if necessary, we will pause the operation and bring you out early.” This satisfied me, though I could tell my parents and big brother were still a little bit nervous at the thought. But I nodded and then we discussed a few of the finer points, stood, shook hands, and Dad and Mom and Orion and I left. * * * “I guess you’ll see them at Thanksgiving,” I told my big brother as we walked to the car. The summer had sped by, and he was leaving for New York in a week. He nodded. “I guess so, Case. And I’m going to work the movement from there too.” All of my peer friends had promised to further advance the movement from wherever they were in school. “Tel Ulises to take good care of my bedroom,” said Orion teasingly, for the umpteenth time. “We will and have, son,” said Mom. He was staying with Ralph’s family temporarily, for our home was not really big enough for five, but it had been agreed to that when my big brother left for college, Ulises would move back in with us and stay in his room except when Orion was home for breaks. “I hope God also guides the surgeons’ hands when they’re um, finishing you, Casey,” said Orion. “In addition to continuing to guide our movement. I’m sorry, maybe ‘finishing’ was a poor choice. . .” his face reddened. But I burst out laughing. “No,” I said, laughing so hard both at the phrase itself and his horror at having used it and then at my laughter that I was almost crying. “Finishing me sounds good. I like it. I’ll be ‘getting finished’ soon.” Then we drove home in silence, except for my continued snickering. Although, I reflected. I had ben told that I would be considered transgendered, and have to continue hormone replacement therapy, for the rest of my life. “Are you alright, Case?” asked my big brother. I shrugged. “Just wish some day I could just be a ‘boy’, not a ‘transgendered boy’.” He nodded sympathetically, but said nothing, for there was nothing to say. Then we rode home in silence. * * * At the airport a week later, we all exchanged a final hug. “You be a good boy, Orion”, chided mom. “But have some fun too,” Dad gave a sly smile. My big brother and I exchanged one of these of our own. Then we all exchanged one last hug and then he turned and walked up the boarding ramp. “There goes our baby,” choked Mom. “Hey,” I teased. “I’m still here.” But I knew what she meant. * * * At the hospital a week later, my parents and I sat across from the scheduler. “So, on Friday, the twelfth,” she said. We nodded. “The same week Ulises is starting counciling,” I noted with a smile. My parents nodded. Then we signed some papers, stood, shook hands, and left. * * * That night at dinner, when we told Ulises the glorious news, he paled. “I’ll have to stay with Ralph’s family that week,” he finally said. “Otherwise, with your finishing the process the same week I’m starting it, Big Bro, I’ll be a total basket case.” I nodded. While I had at first been shocked by his initial reaction, after thinking on it a moment, I had to admit, “I understand,” I finally said. Then the rest of dinner past with only casual conversation. * * * Every day the ranks of the enlightened grew and the ranks of the haters/conservatives/forces of darkness dwindled. But that made those of the latter who were left, which still included MR. andMRS. Cushner, even more militant. But then, less than a week before the time that my final surgeries had been scheduled for, our side scored a home run. “CNN reporting that the head of The LDS Church has just come out as Gay and intends to marry his long time boy-friend IN THE TEMPLE on Thanksgiving Day.” “Well, that’s something to be Thankful for,” we all three said. “I guess The Almighty is indeed guiding us on our way,” said Dad. Then the phone rang, and soon we were discussing the news with my big brother. * * * Two days before the operations, we got together with Ralph’s family and Ulises. “I’m so/SO nervous about starting my own counciling next week,” he had told my parents and I many, many times. “I’d be a basket case staying there just before my top hero’s final surgeries.” I had accepted that I was just going to have to live with my all but legally little brother’s hero worship, but I could tell the moment we walked in the house and saw him that Ulises was clearly very worried about something. He finally got me alone and then said, clearly doing his best to hold back tears, “Casey, OK Case,” I had FINALLY gotten him to start using my nickname. “I’m really, really worried about you spending a whole day under anathema. I know doing all of that at once is what the doctors recommended, but. . .” I seized my Kid Brother, and held him close as words failed him and he began to softly sob into my chest. “There, there Kid,” I stroked his head. “It will be all right. I’ve still got this movement to lead, so I’m sure God won’t take me yet.” He regained at least some composure, pulled away and his deep blue eyes looked right into mine. “I will pray the whole time for the surgeons’ hands to be guided properly on their way,” he said. I nodded. “Thank you. Such prayers have worked so far. See you in a few days with a COMPLETELY boys;’ body, Little Bro.” He laughed. “See you then, Big Bro.” Then we walked back to the others, and Dad and Mom and I headed for home. * * * At the hospital a two days later, which also happens to be the day before my eighteenth birthday, “the BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER” I had said more than once, the check-in clerk knew us all so well by now that we were on a first name basis. “Well, Casey,” she said. “I guess this is the last we’ll be seeing of you.” “As a patient, yes,” I nodded. “But I consider you all my friends by now too, so I’ll drop in and say high now and then.” She nodded, then handed us the forms. “You know the drill by now, George Helen, and Casey, so I’ll leave you to it.”: We nodded, sat down, and started filling them out. * * * A little over an hour later, I lay on a gurney in an opaque and bare room. “You know the drill, Case” said Fred, my favorite anesthesiologist. I nodded, said a brief prayer in my head for the surgeons hands to be guided properly on their way, then began to count. “One-Hundred, Ninety-Nine, Non eta-eight, Ninety-Seven, Ninety-Six, Ninety-Five, Ninety-Four, Ninety-Three, Ninety-Two, Ninety-One, Ninety, Eighty-Nine. . .” I felt my eyelids starting to droop. Then. . . * * * I am kneeling in a field, but I feel myself enfolded in Holy Arms. Then I hear the voice again. You have done well, Casey Isaiah Samuel, it said. Your mission is nearly over. Your new life is about to begin. Then.. . . END.