ARM EVERY TEACHER

ARM EVERY TEACHER BY MATTHEW LUCAS BECKETT Following the latest school shooting, in a small mid western town, there was once again much talk of Gun Control. “No,” said Cartridge Bulletbrain, Head of The Nut case Rebellious Anarchists, of which I was a proud, card carrying member. “What we should do is arm every teacher. If there had been one teacher with a gun in that school, that madman could not have done all of that killing.” “That's right,” I said. “Give us the ability to protect our charges, and we'll do it.” To my astonished delight, this correct view of things actually prevailed. Two weeks after the incident, every teacher at my school had a concealed carry permit, and everyone did. So, when I see a group of five masked people charge through the metal detectors, weapons emerging and starting to blaze, I think we are ready. I pull out my colt-45 and start shooting at them. They return fire and soon our bullets are flying all over. Doors burst open, teachers emerging with their guns drawn and blazing, children crying, screaming, shouting and everyone running every which way. I scream in anguish as I see one of my bullets hit a child. “Get out of the way, children,” I cry at the top of my lungs. A bullet grazes my ear from behind, and I whirl to see if one of the intruders has made it past me, but there are so many guns blazing and bullets flying now, it is impossible to tell who is shooting at who. “Allen,” scrams a colleague as she runs past my ear. “Get the children out of here, now! This is a blood bath.” I start trying to round up children even as I continue shooting, I hope at the intruders, although they seem to be everywhere now. I scream as all around me children I have known all of their school age lives and colleagues I have known for many years fall. I start rushing the remaining children I can gather up towards the door, when I feel something crash into and crush the back of my skull and my world shatters. THE PLICE REPORT FROM JOHN WAYNE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL: 450 ELEMENTARY AGE STUDENTS, 20 FACULTY MEMBERS, 1 PRINCIPLE, 5 INTRUDERS. ALL 476 ACCOUNTED FOR. ALL 476 DEAD.