WORSHIPERS OF GOLD

WORSHIPERS OF GOLD. BY MATTHEW LUCAS BECKETT The Monument displaying The Ten Conservative Commandments was erected on The Floor of The U.S. House of Representatives on January first, 2014. “Of course,” said The Speaker of The House, Goldhand Greedgood Starvethepoor. “It is really only The First that we need remember, since everything else automatically flows from that.” The very top of the huge, golden, diamond encrusted slab, laid this out: “FIRST AND FOREMOST. MONEY IS THE LORD THY GOD. THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE MONEY”. “That it does, MR. Speaker, that it does,” said The Majority whip, Silverbrain Diamondsouled. “So now, let us build a temple to Gold, The One True God.” They gathered every Conservative in the land on The National Mall, and collected the gold of every Republican, who gladly parted with it to construct a Temple to and statue of their only True God. “Now that we have all of your gold,” said The Speaker of The House through a megaphone. “We need all of those with skill in metal work to come forward and first to melt all of this glorious, godly gold into an alloy. Then we must decide what shape we want our temple and statue to be, since no human or animal form will do, since Gold itself is God.” “A ring,” someone shouted. “No, too common,,” someone else shouted. “A diamond.” There was much murmuring, but then someone struck gold. “A gold nugget for each. Our God's Natural Shape.” The Speaker saw in all of his audience's eyes that this proposal had been instantly agreed upon. “So let it be,” he said. The work took much longer than any had expected. “Well,” explained one of The Gold Smiths when The Speaker complained about the delay. “Some of this gold had a lot of other things mixed in, diamonds, silver, bronze, steel, and all, so it took longer to melt down than pure gold, plus then we had to separate that other stuff out of the melt, but we've almost got the alloy pure and ready now.” “Good,” said The Speaker. “It's been six months since we announced this project, and some people are starting to think we can not do it.” “Well, they are wrong,” said The Smith, angrily. “And we'll prove them so very soon.” And they did. Nine Months to the day after The Monument of THE TEN CONSERVATIVE COMMANDMENTS was first erected, it was re-erected inside The Temple To Gold and in front of The Tremendous Gold Nugget God that all now fell down prostrate before. “OH GREAT GOLD, MIGHTY MONEY, ONE TRUE GOD OF ALL. Forgive us for ever worshiping any other. We pledge ourselves, our lives and even our very souls to your eternal Service. Guide us in The Way of Greed, and help us never again to even think of showing any kind of charity at all to anyone in any sense. We will Serve and Worship you alone forever.” At first, of course, there was no response from the statue. They had not really expected any, since they had made it, but since they considered it a representation of their God, they felt they should pay it homage. But then,, although outside it was only around noon and the bright and sunny day was shining in through the many windows, the room suddenly went pitch black, as if all of the candles within and even the sun without had suddenly been snuffed out. Then The Statue began to speak. They could not see it, of course, but they knew approximately where it was, plus they could sense in some way that they could not quite identify that it was the statue speaking. “Thank you, foolish mortals. Long, long ages ago, before your sense of time even began, I was locked away from The Physical and Spiritual Worlds. But now, you have set me free of my prison. I am grateful, although it will be bad for you. Very bad.” “Be gone, Satan,” said a one time clergy person in their ranks. The Voice laughed even harder. “Nice try, but I am so much more than the one you call The Prince of Darkness. It was he and your One-Time GOD, THE TRUE GOD, by the way, who imprisoned me in the first place. Not that they worked together, exactly, but it was the efforts of both that did it.” “Then, what do you call yourself, The Darkness Itself?” asked The Republican Senate Leader. There was another laugh. “No, no, foolish mortal. Your kinds' obsession with names. I have no name that any Human tongue could pronounce or Human Mind could comprehend or withstand. To give you something to grasp, I am The Power Behind The Darkness. I am beyond Evil, Beyond Death, Beyond everything you think of of that nature. I am ancient, I have existed since infinitely before anything you could comprehend. I was imprisoned by the two other great powers of existence, what you know as Good and Evil, so that I could not be a threat to both. But now you have freed me, so when The Time is Right I will exact my revenge.” “What will you do with us?” asked a weeping Speaker of The House. “For now,” said the voice. “You are useful to me alive. But, you will all bare my mark, and whenever I use it to summon you, you would be well advised not to keep me waiting. You will know when I need you, but for now you may go. But keep silent about this encounter if you want to live, and continue to be those who Worship Gold for the same reason. You may go. For now.” One by one, they filed out, horrified by, although still not totally comprehending, what they had done, and what it almost if not certainly would mean for their futures.